Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
