she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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