mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
