he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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