Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
