how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
