You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
