Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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