I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
