she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
