theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
