I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
