I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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