I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
