do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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