She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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