Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
