i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
