Its about making memories worth repressing
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
