I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
