Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
