I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
