a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
