if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
