mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
