I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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