he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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