Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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