He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The air taste purple.
Randomize
