i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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