Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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