Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
