I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
