my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
