Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
