just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
