Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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