he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
