I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
