halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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