she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
