My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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