Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm at about main and main street
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
