Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
