Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
