and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
