im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
