I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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