I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
