what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
