her vagine was all disorganized.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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