Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
