Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
