he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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